Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NYC 2 Is it time for me to update? I suppose so. I've finally caught up on all the other diaries and that took a long time - you people gots things to say! It was through the diaries I read that I found out about Hunter. Agh, so random. He was a hero of mine. My cat? Guess where he got his distinguished name. I guess it's everyone's perogative to finish up however they want. Still... On to other things... New York was fun and FAST. A big blur. I love the excitement of being in such a big city. Especially with three of my favorite people. My brother is a wonderful, funny, compassionate person. I'm not sure I pay attention to that as often as I should. This weekend we had a lot of good conversations and many many things to laugh about. I think it's of note that our similarities became much more apparent this weekend. Usually I think "we have NOTHING in common" but from little details and comments from his wife like: "Oh god, you sound just like your brother!" I realized that we have many common details. Little things: neither one of us likes plain pancakes, but both of us like blueberry pancakes. When we went bowling on Saturday he and I stayed neck and neck the whole game, with Professor K trailing at third and SIL in fourth. My brother was proud of me for bowling so well, and also for helping SIL bowl by making a simple suggestion. He and I are the quickest walkers and whenever we were hustling down a street I found myself scurrying after him like a puppy dog. We would walk side by side with Professor K and SIL behind. It was nice, it gave us opportunities to talk in separate groups. It felt fucking good to feel so close to my brother. I am over the moon about them moving up here. SIL and I had a blast too - she is right up my alley personality-wise. Again we were mistaken for sisters but with good, albeit superficial, reason. We sat next to each other in a dimly-lit bar in Chelsea, both wearing long black coats, both with just-past-shoulder length blond hair, both with similar shaped faces, both of similar height, and we ordered the same drink. Flirtini! After several hours at a jazz and wine bar! We are drinking troopers! When asked "are you sisters?" we guffawed tipsily and both gestured toward my brother, explaining at the same time "brother! husband!" On our last night after a great dinner and an unexpected snowstorm we went back to the Casa de Bro y SIL and had ourselves a drink and play fest. We had wine and did Mad Libs. I know! Mad Libs! But they were fucking hilarious - words like "beef curtains" and "queef" for parts of the body and verbs, "vagina-ey" for adjectives. We all turned red from laughing after bleating out X-rated answers enthusiastically. We also played Uno and they had the old cards! The ones I know how to use! We played several games, my brother winning every single time. (Note: he never loses at anything. Ever.) Professor K was handing me Draw 4's and Skips and Draw 2's up the ass and I wanted to kill him as I lost in third or fourth place over and over again. Whiskey and more whiskey were a wonderful addition to the game. Ultimately we watched episodes of the Office and went to sleep. I know I haven't mentioned the places that we went but I think that's irrelevent. We went to lots of restaurants, bars, shops, and walked around many different parts of the city. But the parts I loved and that I want to immortalize are the family and friends parts. Coming home yesterday was much more routine than the trip to New York. We got in relatively uneventfully and my angelic parents decided to pick us up at South Station and deliver us home with our Bailey. It was very nice of them and much appreciated. I have to admit that last night and today have been a back-to-reality anxiety fest. Professor K is without a job and thus far has not received a call back from any of the numerous places he has sent his resume. I just officially added him to my health insurance and will be paying $50 more a week for that, not even considering the increased taxable income that I will be responsible for next year. I am freaked about that, I was barely making ends meet as it was. And we went on a fun, expensive vacation this weekend. I think about the bills rolling in and I want to cry. I nearly have cried just from nervousness. Also, Mary has been so fucking nice about this whole thing. I had to tell her because I needed her to process the paperwork for adding him to my insurance. And she was completely nice and supportive and suggestive. And on my side but also not knocking him for his decision. I almost wanted to cry then too - sometimes kindness can be my undoing emotionally. I caught a glimpse this weekend of what it's like to have huge savings and disposable income. And I was not jealous in the slightest, my feelings didn't manifest themselves that way. It just made me so much more aware of how many opportunites open up for you when you have a little bit of extra money. My brother works his ass off for what he makes, I'd never begrudge him his success. I would just like to taste a piece of it. No, what I would like is for Professor K to get a new, better, more enjoyable, higher-paying job. I am trying very hard to control the panic, to not blame Professor K for a decision that he felt he had to make. But... it's fucking hard. And it will manifest itself in other areas of our lives. Last week I felt the right way and said the right things. This week, not so much. And it does not help that not having a job makes him depressed, unenthusiastic, apologetic, guilt-ridden. We are entering a rough patch and I'm scared. This weekend the diet went out the window. Today I'm back on it and feeling good about that. Maybe losing a little bit more weight will help with the anxiety. Anything that works at this point. 2:06 p.m. - 2005-02-22 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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