Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- valuable Holy crap, I just noticed something invaluable! I think this online journal may actually be allowing me to track my hormonally-induced mood shifts. Starting around yesterday afternoon - maybe 4:00 - and right on into today I've felt unsettled, moody, pissy, just generally yucky and unpleasant. Luckily I did not see the Professor last night, but I was just now overly rude to an employee on the phone and I have felt a huge distance between myself and others since yesterday. I was writing in my paper journal about how I felt when I remembered that I felt the same way a while ago and wrote that dland entry about how I hate how ice cold people can be here, and basically just said how weird and moody I felt. I just now checked the date on that entry and it was the 8th of April. And today is the 7th of May and I'm feeling almost the exact same way - not as strongly, mind you, but still I'm definitely having similar feelings. So apparently I have a bad day or two around the 7th/8th of the month. I don't think it's just coincidence. I literally feel like a different person, it makes me feel out of control and angry and bitchy. I lash out at people for no reason, or I don't lash out but in my head I'm thinking "you suck and you don't understand me". And those are things I NEVER normally feel toward the people I love. "You don't understand me" is basically code for "I'm an angst-ridden loser". The only people who can (read: should) legitimately get away with expressing that sentiment are hormonally charged teenagers. So along with the moodiness I'm experiencing is this underlying sense of embarrassment that I feel that way at all. I am going to blame it on hormones. You know what's funny? Just figuring this out and acknowledging it has made me feel a lot better, and a lot less frustrated about the whole thing. I need to write this in my calendar and remember not to schedule anything social or important for June 7th or 8th. No decision on the kitten yet. 9:52 a.m. - 2004-05-07 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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