Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First Entry Frustration....and on a Friday! Usually Friday is a holiday - sip some coffee, pretend to work, wander around a bit, back to coffee, personal phone calls, personal e-mails, and then it's 5! I forgot to set my alarm last night and woke up dazed - a cloud of lorazapam was hanging over my head. I had spent the prior evening on the phone with my first "real" boyfriend, the only guy I've ever thought seriously about marrying. J is so amazing, we had lost touch since last year - when we got in touch last year he sent me a bouquet of red roses, just to tell me he missed me. He does things like that.... He's a natural romantic. But talking on the phone last night was unbelieveable, almost too good to be true. He and I connected immediately and I could tell that he's changed since he moved away from New Orleans, got back to Texas, and started living on the beach and draining his trust fund. I have no problem with people like that - I'd be one myself if I didn't have this tiny voice inside me that says I have to be doing SOMETHING, even if it's pretending to work in a cubicle. Purpose! Must be the Yankee work etchic that got shoved up my ass by my grandparents. Anyway, I felt like I could fall in love with J again, we were so close and he was so sweet, and I think more than anything we both wanted to climb through the phone and be close. He wrote me this:
"Thinking of you today Romantic..... Am I treading on dangerous ground? Probably. When my ex girlfriend used to say stuff like that to me, I would cringe. I thought I couldn't stand lovey dovey romance, innocent expressions of tenderness. Now I know that I can, just not with her. Why him, though? I'm going to have to think about that. Last night I also chatted with K, a new friend, a woman that I have been getting to know in a very one-sided fashion for a few days now. Something about the way she writes really sucks me in, and she seems so happy with life and her family. Of course, I want to get to know the "real K". She's really adorable and pretty, I really like the way she dresses up for events - it's so childlike and exciting. I met K through C, my real-life online buddy. He brought me here, to Diaryland. I read as much of his diary as I could for a few days, and we became friends when he wanted to know who was reading hundreds of pages a day. He's so great, he keeps me functioning at work. Sometimes he's horrifically patronizing - I'm 3 years younger than him, but he occasionally pretends it's a full 700 - and he's a little unstable emotionally. But I know he's going to be my friend if we can be this comfortable with each other so quickly. I don't like most people I meet, so meeting a real one is always a blessing. Work is such a joke. I've been here an hour and the phone hasn't rung once, my boss isn't here, M just ran off to god knows where....I should take a few lorazapam and lay back in my chair smiling. Or check other diaries for fun exciting updates. 9:20 a.m. - 2004-02-27 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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