Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Short Description Would Be: RAMBLEY I'm 29 now! I'm not sure I needed to add that exclamation point. The only exciting thing about turning 29 is that I did not turn 30. BUT! I did have a lovely pub crawl with my friends last weekend, and then this past (lovely, long, 3-day extravaganza) I did birthday dinners and fun with Dan. My boyfriend. Why does that word suck so much? My manfriend? Ew, I almost timed "lover" and then had to try not to throw up. Today was my birthday lunch at work and I had a burrito and a GIGANTIC piece of ice cream cake. The button down shirt I put on this morning? Is hanging on precariously. My belly is trying to escape. My gym gear is in the car, I will be going after work, but I don't anticipate doing much but trying not to throw up. So...not that anyone reads this, but still. Question. Dan and I have been dating for almost a year - it'll be a year July 8th - and we've never had a conversation about The Future. We have said I Love You, we have acknowledged general happiness, we have planned trips far into next year. The commitment is there. BUT. We haven't ever talked about moving in together/getting married/etc. And on Friday, one of my friends informed me that we had better move in together soon or Something Bad Would Happen. I made fun of him a bit but his ultimate point was: relationships have milestone moments, and if you miss them then your relationship ends up going nowhere. Agree or disagree? A good question might be: do I want to move in together/get married? And the answer is yes and no. Yes because it's What People Do, and also I love him, and we are very compatible, and I'm GOING TO BE 30, and...it's what people do? And I do sense that as I get older I will get more insecure about my bare ring finger, even though marriage terrifies the crap out of me. Dan is a great guy, a provider, caring, loving, smart, tall, independent, and we're best friends, and we never run out of things to talk about. He's a good gamble, is what I'm saying, and if I'm going to do it maybe I should do it with him? And no because...I'm terrified that it will SUCK, and I've done it before and it didn't work out, and I'm scared, and I like my space and my alone time and (I'm embarrassed to admit that) I prefer sleeping alone, and the whole Bathroom Situation can be awkward and I never get to poop EVER, although after all this time I'm trying to get more comfortable but STILL. Living together means having to poop at home, sometimes. And he NEVER POOPS. Well, he poops, but he never makes a sound! Not ONE LITTLE SOUND! And I should know, we both live in tiny apartments where you can hear every drop when someone is peeing so...yeah, you can imagine how awkward that can be. Especially when we were going through our burrito and tequila phase. UGH. In any event, I guess I DO want a future, and I do want things to move along, but I'd also like to not be the one that starts that process. Although, last summer when we were first starting out I did tell him that I never wanted to live with anyone ever again. And he rationalized that just because I've had bad experiences doesn't mean it doesn't make more sense than getting engaged first and then having to break up, break off an engagement AND move out, if things don't work out. And he's right, but I'm still scared. But, my point was supposed to be that I want HIM to open up that discussion. Any conversation I start will be all apologetic and start out, "Not to freak you out or anything..." when what I really want to say is "I love you, but I'm freaked out. I think we're probably going to stay together and get married and maybe have babies, do you think so too? Cause if not, maybe we shouldn't be dating seriously." I don't think that I ever realized as a little girl that you actually have to PICK the person you have kids with. Like, rather than a movie-style whirlwind romance complete with I'm Sure You're The One and down-on-one-knee proposals and I Do's and buying a big house with a yard...you date a bunch of people and try them on. And a lot of them fit, kind of, like a pair of jeans at the J Crew outlet. And while they don't fit PERFECTLY, they feel pretty good and look decent, and they're ON SALE, so you buy them. But then you see this other pair of jeans in another store and you're like, huh, did I jump the gun buying that other pair? Because you want both pairs, but you only have enough money in your checking account for one and now you're blown your wad and have to live with your choice. Um. You know? 3:05 p.m. - 2009-05-26 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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