Long Story Short

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In Case You Didn't Already Know My Middle Name

[1] What is your middle name?
Again? Really? Well, it�s still Diana.

[2] What color is your mailbox?
I don�t have a mailbox, I have a mail SLOT and it�s�silver? I think?

[3] Last time you had sex?
Oh. Uh�crap. Friday night/Saturday morning. Because I make great decisions, apparently.

[4] Have you ever hit a deer?
No. But once in Maryland I was driving in a line of traffic down a windy road and a ginormous deer jumped over the hood of my Explorer, clipping it with her back hooves. She ran off across the field on my left and seemed fine, but I think I peed a little bit.

[5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
No. I basically take two roads to get home � my commute is a piece of cake.

[6] Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning?
I do not read newspapers. I don�t like the way the ink gets all over your hands and then you feel dirty.

[7] Who checks the mail in your house?
That would be me. Except for the days where the mailman gives all my mail to my landlord, and then I guess he checks it.

[8] Do you have a small driveway?
There is a driveway along the right side of my apartment but I rarely use it. It is longish for the area in which I live. (See! I didn�t end with a preposition!)

[9] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?
No I don�t. I just have one of the tones that came with my phone � it�s generic classical music.

[10] What do you do first in the morning?
Take Bailey out to pee, then I jump in the shower.

[11] What brand is your printer?
HP. And does anyone really care?

[12] Do you enjoy fighting with people?
No, I hate it.

[13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly?
Straight with a tiny bit of wave.

[14] Who was your kindergarten teacher?
I had two � Mrs. Foster and Mrs. Terry. For some reason our school had us switch teachers halfway through the year. Maybe to prepare us for switching classes later on in life?

[16] Are you taller than your mother?
Yes, by about six inches. I think I noticed that I was taller than her when I reached the sixth grade. My height advantage made it interesting when she was trying to get me to clean my room.

[17] Do you have a favorite word?
I can�t think of one. Although I do say �delightful� and �dainty� and �lovely� a lot, but only because I love the way they feel coming off my tongue. The word �tiny� falls into that category as well.

[19] What do you do to get over a broken heart?
Cry, talk, and increase my blood alcohol level. I�m healthy.

[20] Do you have a deep dark secret?
Really, no. I�ve told all my secrets to close friends at one point or another and found out that they�re really not so dark.

[22] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
Sometimes. I like purple pens and green ones, but I never really have the opportunity to use those colors.

[23] Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My back hurts, and my stomach a little bit.

[24] Do you often cry during movies?
Not really, although certain movies make me cry every time. Like Braveheart.

[25] Do you hate your life?
Hee! No, absolutely not.

[26] Do you get mad easily?
I can get mad at some anonymous asshole on the road in two seconds, but when it comes to the real people in my life, no.

[27] Do you drink to get drunk?
Sure.

[28] What is your biggest pet peeve?
I�ve always had a problem with overreactors. The kind of people that blow everything out of proportion and try to rile people up unnecessarily. Calm down!

[29] What is your away message?
I only have an away message on my voice mail, I don�t enjoy IMing.

[30] Do any of your friends have kids?
Yes! Just one, but if Olivia is any indication of the caliber of kids I�ll get to hang out with in the next few years then we�re off to an excellent start.

[32] Who should pay on the first date?
Probably whoever asked for the date, although in most situations I think splitting the bill works out better.

[33] How many years older than you are you willing to date?
Five or six. I was thinking of writing 9 but that seems like a pretty big age gap. Incidentally it�s also the age gap between myself and my landlord, so ew.

[34] Do you have any friends?
Sadly, no. All of the people that I�ve talked about here are simply names I�ve given to my stuffed animals.

[35] Do you have any mean friends?
Not anymore, thank god.

[36] What is the ugliest color in your opinion?
Baby diarrhea green. Or maybe it�s just diarrhea that I don�t like, and not that shade of green at all?

[37] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn't stand?
Yes, I was good friends with someone for years who dicked over all my other friends, and me too on occasion. I informally ended that insanity last year.

[38] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
Uhhh�what? Is this the Suicide Survey or something?

[39] Have you ever been fired from a job?
No, but I was laid off.

[40] What year was your house built?
1629. I have no idea.

[41] When was the last time you slept in someone elses bed?
I slept in a guest bedroom in my parents� house on Saturday night. I mean I was out clubbing? Shit.

[42] What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
J Crew.

[43] How tall are you?
5�11� If you�re shorter than me, please don�t lie about your height. I�ll know.

[44] What is the closest green object?
My bottle of envelope moistener. Oh and I have some tiny green post-its.

[45] What is on your feet?
Black socks and black flats.

[46] Do you always wear underwear?
Pretty much, yeah. I honestly think it�s more comfortable � and more hygienic.

[48] Do you want to have kids?
Nope. Wait, I mean yes.

[49] What is the brightest color you're wearing?
The shell I�m wearing under my blazer is peachy orange.

[50] Who is the last friend you have, that you would never expect to be gay?
No one really comes to mind. I�ve kissed most of my girlfriends at one time or another and lord knows I�ve turned a few chicks gay in my time. I�m just waiting for one of them to admit they�re in love with me�

[52] What's your mother's middle name?
Oh this one is great � Bernadette. Isn�t that AWFUL?

[53] Stupidest movie you ever saw?
I couldn�t get through Mars Attacks. Actually there are tons of movies that I couldn�t get through. But the stupidest movies are the-trying-too-hard-to-be-sexy flicks, and those are also my favorite. I love you Nomi!

[54] Do you collect comic books?
Um, NO. And frankly I judge people harshly who do.

[55] Do you look like your dad?
Yes. I�m sort of a blend of both of my parents, but I think I have more of his facial structure and I definitely got his height and glow-in-the-dark skin.

[56] Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
Tons � L Word, Queer As Folk, Dead Like Me, Sex and the City, Murder She Wrote, Golden Girls, Wow I�m Embarrassed

[57] Are you wearing makeup?
Yes, I always wear some pressed powder to even out my skin, eyeliner, and sometimes mascara. Burt�s Bees lip balm. That�s it.

[58] Do you have a tattoo?
As a teenager I assumed that I�d get one when I turned 18 but I never bothered, and I could honestly never think of a design or image that I would like at both age 18 and 78. Plus I know too many people who haven�t bothered to get their tattoos touched up and they look all faded and grody. OH! And my new thinking is that tattoos are like bumper stickers for your body, and I don�t have any bumper stickers either. I guess I�m anti-tattoo, huh?

[59] Are you happily in love?
Hmm�with, like, a boy? No. But I am happily in love with my friends, my family, and my dog. That seems to satisfy me right now.

[60] If you won the lottery you would:
Cut everyone out of my life and live like a hermit in a cabin in Minnesota, collecting my pee in bottles and drinking it. Wait. No, not that, the opposite of that.

[61] Is there something you want to tell someone, but you haven't?
Not really. There are some things I�d like to discuss with someone but I don�t know that it�s really necessary right now.

[62] Do you know how to draw?
Kinda sorta. I draw a mean teddy bear.

[63] Who is your hero?
I admire lots of people for lots of different reasons, but I guess I don�t have a real hero. I refuse to put the lame "my dad" answer becuase ew.

[64] Who'd you last IM?
I have no idea but it must have been ages ago. I used to leave hilarious away messages on Professor K�s idling IM account � things like �Justin Timberlake is sexxxy� and other really mature stuff like that. Who says I�m not a blast to live with?

[65] Do you work a lot of hours?
Usually 40 or a few extra.

[66] What do you do when you are stressed out?
Try to relax in any way that I can � walking, reading, crying, talking to friends or family, letting my hair down with a cocktail. Yeah, mostly the last one.

[67] Who was the last person that called you?
Little Red Riding Hood. No, wait, actually I called her. So it was Professor K.

[68] Is there anything you regret?
Lots of things, all of them about 100 years old and totally ridiculous. I don�t know why I still lie in bed and beat myself up about things that happened when I was so young that I didn�t have a brain. Nowadays I try to avoid the regrettable decisions, and simply make decisions that I know I can live with.

[69] Do you know where your family name originated from?
I�ve been told that it�s Norman, and would correctly be pronounced in a disturbingly French manner. No thanks.

[70] Are there any animals that creep you out?
Anything that skitters definitely creeps me out. Snakes don�t creep me out when they�re in cages but I saw a tiny garden snake in my folks garage last summer and did the ewewew dance for about ten minutes.

2:51 p.m. - 2007-07-31

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