Long Story Short

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Update and Survey!

What have I been up to�besides surveys, of course.

Bullet points!

-Spoke to Professor K for the first time since April. Then immediately after that SAW Professor K for the first time since February. He has lost 50 pounds. He looks like a different person, kind of. But he�s still the same old Professor K.

-Saw Professor K AGAIN the following weekend. He ended up staying over my place � on the COUCH you pervs � after we got drunkity drunk drunk on 89589 Coors Lights and had a sentimental viewing of Showgirls. We are�friends?

-Had a truly bizarre evening with my landlord, of drunken leprechaun fame, in which we 1)ate dinner together in my apartment, 2)drank a gallon of booze, 3)wandered all around his house on a �tour� because his family was away and I�ve never really been in his part of the house, and 4)lost each other toward the end of the evening when I thought we were going to be friendly buddies and he thought we were going to sleep together.

I think I�ll elaborate on this bullet point now, since it is truly my favorite.

So this guy is MARRIED, with two kids, and I�ve known him for three years. Never once has he expressed any interest in me, so I�m assuming this was a random drunken thing. Well, I WAS assuming that until I saw him yesterday � for the first time since the drunken ridiculousness because he flew to Minnesota the morning after � and he sort of�wasn�t as apologetic as I would have thought. And in fact sort of jokingly hit on me again. Is it joking if he�s already done it?

But the guy is considering lowering the rent a TON so I can stay in the apartment another year rather than move in a little over a month, so I�m letting it slide. And yes, I have considered the fact that maybe he�s lowering the rent so he can continue to hit on me, or even in the hope that I�ll find other ways to thank him for the favor. With, you know, favors. Crap. Am I really as stupid as I�m making myself sound?

ANYway, I�m assuming that I can always throw out the whole, �I�m telling your wife� card if things ever get really ugly. I mean, she lives directly above me. Actually, I�m deathly afraid of telling his wife anything because lord knows women are nuts and that could backfire. She might poison my dog or something, or say I tricked him into groping me. Which, obviously I did.

And now a survey!

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name?
Mrs. Something. I really don�t know the first names of my friends� mothers. Except for Liz�s parents � inexplicably we have always called them �Carol and Neil�.

2. What body part do you hate the most?
Maybe my thighs? I don�t know, I try to just hate the whole package, it�s easier that way. (HEE! Kidding!)

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
I don�t think I�ve ever had a truly hot teacher. I had a 22-year-old male teacher who taught physics at our all-girls school when I was 14. That just seemed so�wrong, somehow. He was always so awkward with us. Especially the day that it rained and we all danced in it and our white polo shirts got soaked right before his class. He spent the first half of the class staring at the ceiling.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
I can�t remember a specific time that I did it but I have to assume that I have. I haven�t ever done anything *really* naughty in a movie theater, though. The floor is all�sticky.

5. What body part do you wash first?
My hair.

6. Do you have any piercings?
One hole in each ear. I used to have seven holes (HEE!"Holes"), three in each lobe and my left ear cartilage pierced but I gave up on that when I turned 18. I hate when I see women in their 30�s and 40�s with multiple ear piercings � it looks so tacky.

7. Is your driveway steep?
Not particularly. Plus I�m only allowed to park in it when it�s winter time and after 9 p.m. so it�s not really mine.

8. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
Plain is pretty good, but there�s a spicy flavor that I like too.

9. Have you ever been tied up?
Actually, no. I have a friend that did this with a boyfriend and he did a very bad thing to her against her will and that�s all I can think of when I hear �tied up�. I have tied up other people, though, with delightful results.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Yes. It was a good thing, too, because my first date was a total dud. My second date had a six-pack and we ended up making out in his car in a parking lot. And I guess he took his shirt off, hee!

14. How many times have you been cursed at?
I have not been keeping count but many, many times.

15. Which shoe do you put on first?
Whichever one is closer, usually.

16. How old are you?
27!

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Yes. That�s why Professor K and I broke up. (Hee!)

18. Have you ever had any Friends with Benefits?
Of course. Some of my best friends have been the ones with Benefits.

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
They all liked me a lot. Otherwise, not really.

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Yes.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
No, I�m thrilled to say that I have not.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
Usually me. I�m selfish like that.

23. Have you ever had a song written about you?
Well, actually yes. But they never played it on the radio, dammit.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Hee! Yes, so many, many things. I come from a long line of freaks. The two best and most memorable, though, were �Fundies� and a pair of edible underwear. Fundies are a pair of underwear with four leg holes in them � I have no idea why this would be fun but oh well.

26. What was your childhood nickname?
I had several � Kashi, Kerdoo, Carly Cowhonkers, Carlsbad California, Rubenstein Q. Farnworth, Uncle Jesse, (can you tell I had an older brother?) and sometimes my mother would call me Sardine Sandwich. Oh, and Nougat was my self-appointed wrestling name to my brother�s Jimmy Superfly Snuka. I still really want a T-shirt with the name �Nougat� on it.

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Um, never? Maybe in the early 80�s.

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex's locker room?
Locker room, no. But I did accidentally walk into the boy�s bathroom in second grade. It was HORRIBLE.

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Change my clothes, probably. I�ve tried to masturbate a couple of times and it just never works out.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
GOD NO. Plus I probably couldn�t, my legs are like seventeen miles long.

31. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?
I actually don�t really like Oreos but when I have eaten them I twist them apart and lick out the yucky white stuff first (sweetened lard, how appetizing) and then eat the chocolate cookies separately.

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
I don�t have a lot of weirdo secret behaviors, so probably just my normal grooming habits.

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
Five or six, unless I�m on an empty stomach. Although it depends on the liquor. And the time of year. Alright fine, I�m just always drunk.

37. Why are you doing this survey?
Um. Because I enjoy wasting time? I have no idea. OH! Actually I�m doing it (heh, �doing it�) because I like when my friends copy them and fill them out too.

41. Do you have any strange phobias?
I wouldn�t go so far as to call it a phobia but the circus song creeps me out � doot doot doo doo doo doo doot doot doo EEEEEE!!!

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
My finger. That�s about it, though. A kid I went to elementary school with had to go to the hospital when he got a marker cap stuck in his nose. Ha! He�s probably a CEO now.

46. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
What? Does this happen to people? Wait, now that I think about it, it hasn�t happened to me but I�m pretty sure my brother kept nodding off when he went on his first date with his now-wife. Apparently she was into that or something.

47. Have you ever played naked twister?
No I haven�t. It actually sounds kind of gross � I�m not a fan of limp dongs hanging out on my back.

48. Have you ever been drunk at work/school?
School, yes. Not work, though, that doesn�t sound fun at all.

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister to be hotter then your date?
I don�t think so.

50. How many Bryces do you know?
None.

10:54 a.m. - 2007-07-23

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