Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Affair Sooo... The Patriots lost last night. I think I still can't quite grasp that. It's like...um...WHAT? Even through my drunken fog last night I could still feel the deep biting pain as I watched mistake after mistake. Denver fans go ahead and say THANK YOU to the Patriots for handing you a victory. Anyway, that's not what I intended to write about. I have a situation going on with a very close person in my life, someone I consider a very good friend. She's older than me by almost twenty years but we just click and have enjoyed a strong bond for almost two years now. A few months ago she confessed to me that her marriage was in shambles. She told me about the fact that her husband has hit her - so hard that she's been knocked to the ground. Her husband has thrown plates of food at her in front of their children, he has verbally berated her and regularly calls her a bitch, says "fuck you", sometimes in front of their kids. Her calls her a piece of shit. One night he went into a rage and she had to lock herself in a room while he banged on the door and screamed at her. He is an alcoholic and refuses to get treatment. They've been married for just under twenty years and the first time that he cheated on her, that she knows of, was before they had kids. He hired a hooker. He told her about it and she forgave him and they continued on, with her always knowing that their marriage would never be the same. But in her mind she had made her bed and she had to lie in it - she wanted kids and didn't want to have to start looking for a new sperm donor. Now things are obviously really bad. He sleeps on the couch almost every night, they haven't had sex since their five year old daughter was conceived. And she hates him and he hates her. Which brings me to the latest development: her affair. She recently began a new relationship with a man that she and I both know. A man that is handsome, caring, sensitive, and totally enamored with her. And he's married to someone else. At this point I am the only one that she is confiding in about the new relationship. I know how much time they're spending together, I know that thus far they have only kissed, but I also know that their conversations are emotional and sensual in nature. They have CONNECTED. And I have been very supportive of this affair, from the first, because I am a big fan of happiness and I am a big fan of MY FRIEND - and I think she deserves whatever goodness that she can grab in her life. Professor K is sick about the whole thing. Somehow he has taken the situation between my friend and her "boyfriend" and made it about me and him. He fears that her behavior is teaching me how to be unfaithful. I have assured him that since our relationship is wonderful, loving, and full of trust that I would never even CONSIDER cheating on him. The thought of being with someone other than him makes me ill. I feel very strongly that I am doing the right thing by supporting my friend in her new relationship. She is going through the motions of getting a divorce from her abusive husband, she just hasn't finalized anything or had him move out or really accomplished anything that would make them legally separated. Same goes for her boyfriend and his wife. They are just focused on building their new relationship together and leaving the hard work for later. I don't want Professor K to worry about me and my values when it comes to commitment just because I choose to support infidelity in someone else's life. I don't think it says anything about my own character that I can see the gray area in life, rather than the black and white of MARRIED versus SINGLE. Sometimes marriages fall apart. And sometimes the best way to pick up the pieces of a miserable, abusive marriage is find someone to support you and love you through the divorce. I would hope that were I in my friends position I would have a friend a like myself saying all the right things, giggling and clapping with each new development in the new relationship. I know that my friend and her boyfriend are spending tomorrow together and I'm excited to get the scoop when it's all over. She has my home phone number on her fridge at home so she can call me and fill me in. And she told me that should she and her boyfriend ever get married I am going to be their maid of honor, because my support has made the whole thing possible. So my question is: am I a horrible person for getting involved? Am I truly an accessory to cheating? I don't feel any real guilt about it but Professor K's reaction alone is enough to make me take pause, to question whether in any way I am projecting what I want for MYSELF if a marriage ever fell apart. Life is so much about the moments of happiness that you can grab. I just wish my friend well. How can that be a bad thing? Update: THE COLTS LOST!!! The only thing that makes the Pats loss a little bit sweeter is knowing that that pig fucker Manning is NOT going to go all the way. WOOHOO! 3:45 p.m. - 2006-01-15 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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