Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- First Real Snow It's a lovely snowy day out that feels like the day before a holiday. Nobody is at work! Everyone called out. I was almost one of those people but I persevered and now I am here, jauntily sipping coffee and doing some much-needed online Christmas shopping. I am also sitting here proudly five pounds lighter than I was on November 29th. My weight loss plateau has temporarily gone away. I hope to lose another five pounds or so before I hit the next one. But...I am happy with that significant progress. Very happy. I have been all Stressy McStress about a varietal of annoyances. Christmas shopping being one of them, but also renewing my car inspection that expired on December 1, paying mucho dolares to a number of retailers, etc etc etc. Buying a few things online just now alleviated a tiny bit of that constantly running internal monologue of "must do", but I can tell it won't last forever. I feel like I have something stuck in my throat. It's my not-quite cold. I went to a doctor's appointment yesterday and it resulted in me having to schedule another doctor's appointment for next week. And if you work in the professional world then I think you know what a "doctor's appointment" really means. I need money. Like, lots of money. And I could totally be making more money so shouldn't I try to? So I'm going to try. So far so good. But I'm scared because it would be a big, big change and I'd be ripped out of my comfy, safe little womb. But, here's the part that keeps freaking me out: I'm going to 26 in less than six months. (!!!!!) And I know, whatever, but that sounds really...close to 30. And 30 is my target age for birthing babies. BABIES! How can I allow myself to stay poor when I have babies to birth in only four years? Eh, it's all just thoughts. But for serious, I gotta get some dinero in my checking account. And I've got to work somewhere that doesn't tell me with a straight face that the only real opportunities for me would be lateral moves. Lateral? How does that benefit me, exactly? Besides setting me right back down at the bottom rung of a different department. Frustrating. I feel a rift developing in my relationship with my boss due to this recent career advice. I think she's being selfish with me and discouraging real opportunity so that I will be content to stay where I am. Which is, essentially, nowhere. People here sometimes, actually kind of frequently, call me a secretary. A SECRETARY. Is that word even legal anymore? And I don't understand their logic since the work I do has nothing to do with answering phones, managing calendars, or scheduling appointments and travel. I do my own work and that's it. But still I am a secretary. It makes me angry. I also work in a place where men are called men and women are called girls. Men are called by their names and women are called honey, dear, sweetie. It's obnoxious and nobody seems to notice it. In fact women laugh at me here when I make a face because someone referred to me as the Benefits Gal. How is that not offensive? It just IS. Okay, unexpected work rant but I think my point is obvious. More doctor's appointments, more money, more change, more respect, more power, more future planning, etc. We also need to finish decorating our fucking tree. It's been sitting there half-dressed for almost a week while piles of shit form around it. A massive cleaning is necessary and I hope I have the same commitment to getting it done when I get home tonight. I'd like the house to finally take on the serene holiday feel it had last year. Snow, snow, snow. La la la. I'll go get more coffee. 11:39 a.m. - 2005-12-09 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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