Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Mystery Solved Inconsiderate. The mystery of the missing Ex is solved, after something like six months. My friend El and I have been emailing and phoning back and forth since August about this, worried sick that she was dead or who knows what. I didn't put a lot of that worry in here because I was trying to keep it in the back of my head and out of my daily life. I've emailed her probably five or six times just asking for her to let me know if she's okay, leaving my phone number, telling her I miss her. I tried all of her old phone numbers and all had been disconnected. I've googled her a million times and actually purchased one of those people reports to see if it had her most current info - it didn't, it had the old info that I already had, but I tried. El and I had both emailed a friend of hers from high school (via Friendster) who we hoped would at least tell us if he knew she was okay. For the past several months he has been saying that he had no idea where she was, that he was worried too. But last week El and I were both like Fuck This. We need to find her, or at least find someone who knows where she is. And so El emailed this Friend again asking for her parents' phone numbers and he FINALLY told us that she's fine, that she's living with her mom back in her old home town, and that she's looking for a new career. But that she has no interest in contacting us. He told us that he has told her that we're worried about her and she has not cared. El, needless to say, is PISSED. When Brittany was going through some unidentified fucked up shit back in May El sent her money and talked to her on the phone every single day, sometimes for hours, and was totally there for her. Then Brit disappeared without a word and El has been driving herself nuts ever since, thinking she said something wrong or that Brit was dead or missing or something awful. And to find out that she's fine and just choosing not to respond to any of her frantic emails and phone calls was just a huge slap in the face to her. She told me that unless there is a really amazing explanation sometime in the future, when Brittany resurfaces, she's just not going to be friends with her anymore. I totally understand where El is coming from since she's a really, really good friend and really puts her all into helping people when they need it. I feel less pissed myself because I'm not surprised that Brittany would avoid me if she had a huge meltdown in her life. For her to have failed at her career and been forced to move home to her mother is probably humiliating to her and not something she wants to publicize, especially to two old friends who are doing just fine. Ugh. I know this is a rambling entry because I just this morning found out, but I have a lot of feelings about this that are hard to explain. I'm so relieved that she's okay, I really am, and that's the best news I could have gotten. However I feel duped by her AGAIN. All along I was suspicious that this was a stupid game or just what it was, her ignoring us, and yet I really tried to put that thought out of my head and help El in any way I could. I'm embarrassed that I let her get me as worked up as I was, that I spent a lot of valuable time thinking about this. Ultimately I'm pretty sure Brittany had a serious drug problem. I know what she was into, I know what she had access to, and I know how she was acting right before she "disappeared". I imagine she lost her job either through her own behavior or by necessity, I imagine her mother had to come get her and drag her back to her home town to recover. And now she's in hiding and has to lick her wounds. I feel bad for her, that's a nightmare way to start out your adult life. But...that being said...I don't think I'll be wasting any more of my life on her. Her problems have always somehow popped up in my life and become my own, and that's what happened here again. I don't regret my involvement because El really needed help with this and it did bring us closer together. But remind me, fucking REMIND ME, to never put myself out there again when it comes to my Ex.
8:52 a.m. - 2005-10-31 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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