Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally an Update I�ve known about our office move since I started here in December of 2003 but a big part of me kept assuming that I would not be here by the time it took place. Now here it is finally September 2005 and I�m still here and there are now GIANT MOVING CRATES all around me. Crates into which I am supposed to place THINGS of an OFFICEY NATURE. Have I packed anything? No. Cause I�m in denial that this is happening. In other news, we got to dogsit over the weekend. The always delightful Sammykins! My folks were on a trip up north to celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary (I KNOW! Thirty five years! Who does that?) and entrusted me and my partner in crime with their beloved, elderly woof. It was kinda stressful, yo. That freaking dog requires lifting and carrying and watering and feeding like ALL THE DAMN TIME. And she�s kinda mute and deaf and blind so a lot of her needs are guesswork. I got her Wednesday night and by bedtime I was just staring at her like she was a ticking time bomb. Does she need to pee? Will she pee on the bed? Will she die of dehydration? Will she fall off the bed and break one of her limbs? Nothing eventful happened for the first few days. She didn�t move around a whole lot but felt comfortable enough to explore our apartment and sleep on our bed. She didn�t seem to make any mistakes (notice the word �seem�) and it was nice having her around. Saturday was Professor K�s birthday and it was F-U-N. A day of relaxation and drinking and presents and birthday cake and joyous festivities. The landlord even went away so it was easier to take care of dainty Sammy � I didn�t have to carry her as far to get to grass. Saturday night I took her outside and I decided on the back yard as the safest and easiest bathroom location. I took her out there and plunked her on the grass and stared at her. She needed to poop since I had just fed her a little while previously but she wandered around the grass snuffling but not doing anything. Then she started trotting toward the driveway and away from the grass. I followed her and figured the exercise was good for her since she slept most of the day. She trotted all the way to the end of our driveway and started heading into the sometimes-busy street so I grabbed her and plunked her on the front yard. Now our front yard is strange in that it is raised up, built up onto a two- to�four foot cement wall depending on which side you�re standing on. So it�s all grassy but then all of a sudden it ends and there is a fall to the sidewalk below. Say you were a foot-tall miniature schnauzer who is blind and deaf and mute � you might not realize that the fall was there until you trotted suddenly and eagerly toward the bottom of the lawn and found yourself falling. Like, onto your head. And say you�re a 25-year-old woman who is dogsitting her mother�s BELOVED dog and you�re standing on your own front yard waiting for said BELOVED dog to shit and suddenly you watch a tiny little elderly gray blur burst into motion and run right off the edge of the yard, falling about two feet down onto a CONCRETE SIDEWALK. On her HEAD. What would be going through your head?
Well had that situation HYPOTHETICALLY happened to me I might, a) jump down onto the sidewalk and scoop up the gray dog before she can even right herself from her fall, b) moan �oh god oh god oh god� while running into the house clutching her, and c) assume immediately that the dog has a broken paw, skull, or brain. Panic, people. PANIC. And ridiculous, heart-pounding, HOLY FUCKING SHIT panic at that. Cause seriously? I was fucked up. And also? Professor K was fucked up. And the dog might be DYING. Or in horrible pain. I was all out of breath and dramatic and �oh my god�-ing up a storm cause SERIOUSLY. And I told the Professor I was sure she had broken her arm cause when I put her down on the couch she stood there kind of weirdly, like her head was cocked to one side a bit. He was like, �Okay� (reminder: he was fucked up) and I begged him to try to get her to stand. The minute he touched her I said, �NO! WAIT! Maybe she just needs to rest, don�t move her�. Heh. Basketcase. Long story short (hee) she was fine. My first test was to give her a dog biscuit which she ate like they were going out of business. Then a few minutes later she stood up and then sat back down. Then she fell asleep and started snoring. Then a little while later she woke up, stood up on all four legs, and then wandered around the apartment a bit. And did I stop watching her for the rest of the night? Like did I take my eyes off of her body to watch television? Nope. And it was a while before I went to bed because all the adrenaline that had run through my body during the crisis took a long time to dissipate. I did learn a really valuable lesson other than don�t let Sam in the front yard. And that lesson is: don�t ever get too fucked up to drive when you�ve got kids in your house. Cause worrying about a dog is one thing but what if your CHILD fell two feet on its head and you had to get it to a hospital like RIGHT THEN? I know, it�s random since I don�t have kids but there it is. And hey, don't tell my parents that that happened. I don't want them to know. *snicker* Yesterday my folks picked up the dainty Miss Sammy and I�ll be honest and say that last night I missed her. However when I lifted up the blanket that had been on the couch for her to sleep on I had to laugh � her supposed �accident free� visit had turned into a SOAKING couch cushion. Like GALLONS of pee had flowed from her bladder. Onto the couch. Gross. Oh yeah, and Sammy turned 15 on Sunday. Happy Birthday Sammy! Finally, on Friday evening we got a drive-by �I�m engaged!� from Cara. Cara who I have not spoken to since November decided to stop by randomly. You know what I�m talking about � the fake interest in us, �So what�s up with you?� followed by a brief not-so-patient pause, and then �WE�RE ENGAGED!� and a flash of her left hand. So congratulations to Cara and Gerard! 11:41 p.m. - 2005-09-13 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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