Long Story Short

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mistake

I'm having serious second thoughts about calling the ex. In fact, I have the sinking feeling that I made the wrong decision in emailing her back at all. Or not emailing back and saying, "You know what? I wish you well but I really need to move on."

You know what, Dukkha? I really really should have listened to your advice to me on my birthday. Curiosity is so evil. SO FUCKING EVIL.

I still have time to email her and tell her the truth. I still have time to shut the door. In the past two days, since I first got her email, I've dedicated a ton of time to thinking about her. I've found myself starting up the imaginary conversations to her again. The imagined defenses to her judgements.

I can't spend what could potentially be a beautiful weekend thinking about and overanalyzing her. What a waste of valuable free time that would be. I've said this before and I want to say it again, for myself: I've given her enough of me, enough of my time, and enough of my life. Why am I not strong enough to shut this door?

"Dear -

I've read your email over several times. It makes me feel one thing: regret. I never should have responded to your initial email. Old memories and a lingering curiosity made my decision for me, rather than my head and my heart.

I realize that whatever you may be going through, or whatever you've gone through, is no concern of mine. I don't want it to become a part of my life. As I said, I'm happy. I do not need to rock the boat. You offered me the opportunity to get to know you and I have to decline. I need a different sort of influence in my life right now. Whether I ever knew you or not, I know instinctively that you are not going to improve or enrich my life.

I'm not trying to hurt you but your feelings are not my biggest concern at this point. I'm glad that you've wrestled with some demons and gotten some things settled in your life. I hope that you can accept my decision without hard feelings. I wish you luck in the future.

Carly"

6:34 p.m. - 2005-05-27

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next

latest entry

about me

archives

notes

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

bettyford
littlelizzi
singlegirl
yelayna
yeahimadork
bathtubmary
whystinger
wicked-sezzy
d1mndn3r0ugh
goldieknox03
alicefalls
dukkha-tanha
toejam
kelsi
rachelliz
kristintracy
robotheart
rdhdprincess
unclebob
justjones