Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DUN DUN DUN! Hey guys, thank you so much for all your nice notes and messages on my birthday! That made me feel so really very extra special awesome. And thank you to this lovely lady who completely made my day yesterday by sending me a present. Thank you sweetie! The big 2-5 was a smashing success. I am happily wearing the mantle of the mid-twenties. Work on Wednesday rocked. I got a big Happy Birthday banner, confetti, a cake, and presents! My boss and coworkers (ahem, Mary excluded) made a huge deal and went way over and above what I ever would have expected. Work has improved this week because as Mary hands off all of her responsibilities to me I am realizing that I might finally feel like a real employee around here. I might actually have deadlines and projects and busy weeks! I honestly can't wait for her to get to her new job so I can be on my own. I know I can do a great job with all of this new work. I realize how heavily Mary's looming, judgemental presence has weighed on my ability to feel good at my job. I emailed my ex back today. It took me forever to draft something that I felt comfortable sending. I still don't know how I feel about getting back in touch with her but I had to make a decision at some point. The email I sent was potentially intense but I felt good about that. I view her in an intense way, therefore I should convey that. I figure if I am going to be talking to her, the best thing I can do for ME is to start things out on terms that I am comfortable with. And yes, it's just a stupid EMAIL. I know. Why the overreaction and overthinking and angst? Because this relationship has made me crazy for years and my year of freedom from it has been one of the happiest of my life. Was that because of her absence? No, but it probably had something to do with it. Now, I don't know. I did create a whole new email address to email her back. I didn't want her sending things to my work email, and my real yahoo address can be googled back to here. So yeah, I'm crazy. It's okay. You can think it. Yesterday when I got home from my long afternoon away from home - it was 9:30 - I drove up a pitch black street. Our whole neighborhood lost power in the rain and wind storm of '05. Very dramatic and exciting. Professor K was inside laying on the couch with lots of candles going. We sat and talked and played with the pets. Then we took Bailey for a walk in the cold rain and saw firetrucks and cop cars screaming by us every two minutes. We ended up going to bed early for lack of anything to do, and when we woke up this morning there still wasn't any electricity. Showering by candlelight is really kind of awesome, but it makes it hard to put on makeup. Professor K asked me last night if my ex had emailed me again. I told him no, that I hadn't even responded to her initial email (yet). He just said "oh". I don't think he cares about all this in any real way. He shouldn't. I just wish I could handle contact with her and not be so DUN DUN DUN! about it. You know, dramatic. Time to get back to my Starbucks. 9:07 a.m. - 2005-05-26 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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