Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mmmm...Salad Thanks to the wonders of the internet, today my boss and several of my coworkers discovered alternative definitions for "tossed salad". The far dirtier, and funnier, prison and bedroom usage. Try Googling "tossed salad". I'm sure the results are somewhat obvious. We have an upcoming event and they wanted to share what the menu for that evening would be. My boss asked, "Is it "tossed salad" or "toss salad"?" She wanted to make sure the spelling was correct. Her faithful colleague googled it. She immediately came busting out of her office red-faced and cackling, hands pressed to her mouth. For some reason I then became the office expert on this sexual practice, despite having no first-hand experience with it. I just know what it is, thanks to that oh-so-memorable HBO prison special from the early 90's where the flaming homosexual in the headscarf matter-of-factly described tossing someone's salad with either jelly or syrup. Chris Rock later immortalized this scene in his stand up comedy special, "Bring the Pain". Funny shit. It's always an interesting day at work when you start it off discussing mouth-to-butt. My boss asked, "Why would they call it that?" and I responded, "Well, it's kind of like the terminology for 'blow job'. I mean, you're not really blowing." "Yeah! You're sucking!" was her response. I used the phrase "rim job" and she said "what?" because she couldn't hear me. As I was about to say it again, only this time much louder, a Big Important Guy walked into our office. Just once in my life timing was on my side. You know the situation where you're in a loud, crowded room and you're having a shouted, but personal, conversation with someone? Just as you're about to shout something embarrassing into their ear, all of a sudden it gets really quiet and you find yourself shouting, "HE PULLED OUT AND CAME ON MY FACE" to a room full of people? That happens to me all the time. I distinctly remember just such an incident in high school, the Monday following junior prom. Something was shouted about "rug burn". Even the teacher picked up on that one. I have no idea what I'm talking about, or what my point is. 4:04 p.m. - 2005-05-04 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||||