Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mary Ha! I'm funny - yesterday after I posted my entry I noticed that "pussy blister" looks like, well, pussy blister. But what I meant was pus-ey blister, as in a blister full of pus. But I left it the way it was becuase it was so much more disgusting. Hee! Today Mary is out - for no reason - so just to recap: she took a half day on Friday the 8th, had a whole week off plus Monday the 18th in which she took a week-long cruise, came in yesterday, and is gone today! So that's three and a half days work in two weeks. Yesterday we were probably all dreading her return because she's quite the storyteller. If anything at all happens to her it turns into at least a week of retelling the same anecdotes over and over. I decided to be friendly and nice when she got in (at 9 instead of 8:30 but who's looking at the clock?) and asked "How was your cruise?" Immediately she went into her harrowing tail of the giant blister on her foot! How she got a pedicure before her trip *shudder* and the woman buffed her hoof too vigorously while "getting the crud off" (please tell me why her feet have "crud" on them? Although she acted like this was a story that I could relate to) and thus she spent the entire week with a ginormous blister. She went into great detail with how it throbbed and filled all week as she walked around. How it looked like a condom. How finally she stuck a pin in it and let some of the ooze out and then did it again later because it was still full of "water". Ugh. The whole time I was thinking "What the FUCK does this have to do with the question that I asked you???" Ultimately she decided to get up from behind her desk, come over to me, and SHOW ME HER BLISTER. She was wearing sandals so her dainty hooves were all exposed, and her feet and tree trunk legs were so flabby and thick that they were squishing out of her sandals. Gag. The whole time I smiled and murmured the appropriate things but totally died of revulsion on the inside. The best aspect of her story was the mood she set by telling it with a mouthful of D&D donut while she simultaneously coughed like a lifetime smoker. So it was more like, "Oh my blistah" *chomp* *chomp* *gag* *COUGH COUGH COUGH* *gag* *hack* *moist chewy sound* *moist* *gag* "It was so painful" *chomp* *chomp* *GAG* *HACK HACK HACK* *gurgle* *moist moist moist* "I hoped it would pop in the hottub." She is one dainty heffer. I sent Lynne, the only other coworker who was here yesterday, an email when she got in. "Ask Mary about her blister story. If you're lucky (like me) she'll even show you the blister on her hoof. She's wearing sandals." Ha. Needless to say Lynne was pretty repulsed: "NO WAY!!! Today would be a good day for me to shut my door. Has she hit you with flying donut pieces yet? I noticed she still talks while eating. I wonder if she did that at the dinner table on the ship? How did she get the blister? Too much exercise?" Yesterday afternoon I was working diligently at my desk when I heard Lynne ask Mary, "Got an itch?" I looked over and fucking Mary had a PRESENTATION POINTER STICK (you know, those two foot long things you might use to point to something on a blackboard or projection screen) down the back of her shirt and was SCRATCHING HERSELF WITH IT. With both hands, so that she looked like she was plunging her butt. It was HORRIBLE. And very difficult to keep a straight face. What goes through her mind when she does these things I wonder? Today is Lynne's birthday. Happy Birthday Lynne! She got lucky with the perfect bday gift from Mary - not having to cope with her presence. Yay! I got Lynne a gift certificate to a yummy restaurant and made a banner for her door and such. I like doing stuff like that. Unfortunately almost no one else is in HR today so her card only got signed by three people. I think she appreciated it nonetheless. The weather! I have been sleeping with the windows open and it rocks! I love waking up with the breeze coming through the bedroom. So perfect. Professor K seems to be doing well at his new job, which is basically camp right now. He sits around and reads up on the stuff he'll eventually need to know. He spends the days with all the other new hires so they will be a class together and friends for life. He is very upbeat and excited this week. 11:53 a.m. - 2005-04-20 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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