Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Useless As anticipated I am completely useless today. After the bacon fiasco of this morning I had DayQuil for lunch. Because, you know, I could. A man came into the office today with George Clooney eyes. I almost told him as much until I realized that that would probably come across as a come on. And I wasn't intending it that way. I also quickly realized that he was the penis from last week who called me every two hours to check the status of his stupid health thing. Even though the final outcome was that he had never even terminated health with his previous employer so the ball was entirely in his court the whole time. So there was that. Anyway, he was nice looking and wearing a shiny gold wedding band. For some reason I am now in love with our mail delivery boy. He is ever so sports-loving and every time he passes through, twice a day, he smiles at me and we make small chat. He has perfect facial hair, wears a baseball cap every day, and some sort of jersey. He has a tiny Boston accent, just enough to be cute and not grating. And now we are in love. Until I accidentally said something about "my boyfriend" and then I was all "D'oh!" I looked him up in our records and he is five years older than me. He is serene in personality. I dig that. I hate saying "my boyfriend". What else can you say? If I just say Professor K to someone who doesn't know me they'll be like "who?" I can't say friend cause it just ain't true, roommate ain't true, and "partner", "sig o", and "lover" all make people think you're weird. Especially if you're not gay and are just saying that. I need some alternatives. I also hate "fiance". It reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry and Elaine go to a party and don't know anyone and there's this woman who's all insane yelling "WHERE is my fiance? I have LOST my fiance". Like it's a trophy and not some stupid man. I talked to my mom on the phone for over an hour today. I am productive. I tried to call my wife too but he didn't pick up or wasn't home. He was nice to me and dried my hair for me this morning because I was pathetic girl and my arms got tired being lifted over my head. He did an excellent job too. I kind of want to touch a baby. Just to see what they're all about. Annette, my right-side neighbor, starts these conversations with Mary, my adjacent neighbor. And she goes and stands over my her desk and gesticulates. And inevitably, regardless of whether or not I am in the conversation, she turns and starts talking directly to me instead of Mary. And often I'm sitting at my desk working and not even looking over there but I can feel her eyes on me. And I have to sit here and pretend I don't know she's doing it but it's hard because how often do you completely ignore someone who's staring at you and talking to you? I do not like it when people call and leave messages for someone who is in a meeting. And then five minutes pass and they call again and act shocked that the same person is in the same meeting. I need stronger drugs. 2:33 p.m. - 2005-03-03 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||||