Long Story Short

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Pre Menstrual pSychosis

I am PMSing up the yin right now and have been for what feels like an eternity.

It's been at least a week that I've felt bloated, gassy, and IRRITATED. Today is the worst day of all but also I feel like there has to be an end to this soon.

Saturday night I was in the office attempting to burn a CD for when my parents came over. I hadn't done it before with this particular system and I was trying to figure it out without asking Professor K to help me. He was cleaning and would occasionally come into the office and pick something up or rub my shoulders.

I totally felt like he was watching over me and seeing if I was doing it right - even though he didn't know what I was doing. So he comes into the office one more time and puts his hands on my shoulders but his eyes are on the computer screen and I looked up and him and said "Would you please not stand over me like that??"

Gah.

He turned around and walked right the hell out of the office, like any self-respecting human being would. I finished what I was doing and then went and stood in the living room and hung my head and said "sorry" and he was brisk with me and I said "SORRY!" more pathetically.

We talked and his eyes lit up again and I said "It's evil PMS!" and explained how having gone off the pill has made my hormones all out of wack. And he laughed and hugged me back and then put his hand on my abdomen and pushed and yelled toward my crotch "COME OUT!" Ha! It was funny.

I said "I never really talk to you like that right?" And he said "I think that's the first time you've ever acted like that." And I felt good because at least that's not normal behavior but bad because I had no control over what came out of my mouth.

So yeah, PMS. It only seems to be getting worse. But it's not really my fault because people are so annoying. I was walking down the stairs in the parking garage at 8:15 this morning - early, so no need to rush - and this person behind me seems to be galloping after me. Like way too fast and way too close to me. And I'm walking fairly quickly so what's the deal? And I wanted to turn around and smack them.

I went inside to get my temporary badge for day two of my two week punishment and the security guard asks to see my "other" ID. What other ID? I hand her my driver's license and she's like "NO! Your blue ID card, you know?" And I'm like "No, I don't know. I don't have one of those." "Oh well subcontractors don't get them." "I'm not a subcontractor." "Well, how long have you worked here?" "Over a year." She consulted the other woman at the security desk. "She doesn't have a blue ID card." "Well, subcontractors don't get them." Me: "I'm NOT a subcontractor." I got my stupid temporary badge but what the fuck?

Getting my coffee I filled it up with regular, lots of cream, grabbed a bottle of water and went to the register. "What kind of coffee?" "Regular" "Flavored?" "No, regular" "Okay, flavored?" "NO! RE-GU-LAR."

Are people seriously TRYING to be annoying? Just give me my coffee and leave me alone!

I must have watched umpteen episodes of Law & Order last night. Season 14, which is Lennie's last year. And the last episode on my DVD is the one where he carries he cardboard box out of the office because it's his last day. I totally felt all sad and wanted to cry - it wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't died after he left the show. If he was just happily retired and golfing every other day. Sipping bloody marys.

9:10 a.m. - 2005-02-28

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