Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Last Phonecall with the Ex I just had the most unpleasant conversation. The ex called to chat which was nice since we haven't talked in a long time. And I had sent her an email a few weeks ago that she never responded to where I told her all the good stuff that was going on in my life. Yesterday I emailed her again just to see what was up because I thought it was weird that she hadn't written. The email just told her generally what I was up to and asked about her life. She called me just now, I'll mention that I'm at work, and it was an entirely one-sided conversation. As usual. She didn't ask me one damn question about myself she just kept rambling on about her job and her city and how she's really learning her way around and her girlfriend and blah blah blah. It was so strange, listening to her talk with barely enough room for me to say things like "that's great" and "really?" every few minutes. I feel so frustrated right now. She never once addressed my earlier email about Professor K and I moving in together and how happy I am or anything that had any real importance to me. She did ask about the Democratic National Convention coming to Boston but could that be a more general topic of conversation? And when I told her that no, I wasn't looking forward to it mainly because of the inconvenience she immediately jumped in to challenge my answer and point out that where she lives she's used to the inconvenience so I shouldn't expect any sympathy from her. Huh? What does that have to do with what she asked me? Am I not entitled to feel inconvenienced because other people in the country are also inconvenienced? I don't understand that logic. I think she was just looking for a debate. I don't understand why she bothers to call - it's like she just wants to brag to me about how exciting and urban-fabulous her life is, all the while failing miserably because it just sounds so awful to me. She is living exactly the kind of life that I never wanted, and I'm probably doing the exact same thing in her eyes. I wish she would ask me REAL QUESTIONS, or express some serious interest in my life. I feel like such a dumbass just sitting on the phone with no opportunity to talk. The conversation took a serious turn for "over" after the DNC thing - I had no response to what she said. What was I supposed to say? "Wow, you are so superior to me in your knowledge of national security! What could I have been thinking to feel inconvenienced by the DNC coming to town?" I don't know...I feel so much like I want to point out to her how unpleasant she can be and how selfish a friend. Not that we're really friends - we rarely talk - but the one rule of pretend friends that I can think of is that you always always ask "So what's up with you?" I was extremely tempted to send her an email telling her how I feel. I would try not to attack her but really just say why I can't enjoy a phone conversation with her. But it's so pointless. I'm sure she would write back something and I really don't even want a response, I just want an opportunity to get up on my soapbox and tell her what's wrong with her. And that's not cool. I guess I swallow this frustration along with all the other "ex" frustration that I have pent up inside me. How can one person be so selfish and have zero clue? I'm going to rant further now so get buckled in. She is going to one of her best friend's weddings next week in her hometown. She and this girl have been friends for over 15 years and this wedding is the most important thing in her friend's life. My ex knows this very well, I know this very well. The bride asked the ex to be a bridesmaid, and this obviously has some responsibility attached to it. The ex agreed, planned to follow the wedding schedule, and then went on about her merry way. Then she called the bride up this week, the week before the wedding, to tell her that the wedding schedule doesn't really work for her and she's going to have to move some things around. The bride got upset, understandably, and the ex was like "well, it didn't work with my schedule." But she's KNOWN the wedding schedule since March, so how could she not plan around it? And she couldn't see how it wasn't just the little details but the idea of not being supportive of one of her oldest friends at the most important moment in her life. The bride really sees this wedding as her shining moment and wants everything to be perfect. If the ex couldn't commit to the responsibility then she shouldn't have. I hate writing this. Ugh. I feel yucky. I don't know what to say to her. What I want to do is tell her the truth, that she's selfish and that I'm not interested in having a one-sided friendship. Oh geez, just had some sort of meltdown. Professor K called. He just got home from a doctor's appointment and has had the whole day off. The doctor gave him a note to take tomorrow off too, giving him a one-day work week this week. We had a nice talk until I started talking about my conversation with my ex. He didn't say anything bad but he couldn't really give me advice and then I asked him if he wanted to talk about this and he said no, he didn't. And I started crying. Like sitting at my desk, tissue to face, crying. It had nothing to do with him, and I don't think it had to do with her. I have no idea why I feel so upset. I have no good reason to feel upset. I think it's those damn birth control pills. I really need to call my doctor and talk to her. This is not normal. And poor Professor K was on the phone asking me what was wrong, what could he do to make it better. Nothing. I just feel like crying. For no reason. I need to take a break. I've been at my desk almost nonstop since 8:15 and I just need some air and some time to think. 1:55 p.m. - 2004-07-15 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
||||||