Long Story Short ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blood in the boardroom Today is the first day of my period. OWWWWWWWWW!!!! I am in PAIN. Every month I forget just how much it hurts. The back pain, the agonizing cramps, the delightful forty pounds of water weight, the bloating, and the oily skin that pop up seemingly out of nowhere. Good news: not pregnant! I was so paranoid this time around. With good reason, but still...I had numerous dreams about having to tell people that I was with child. I considered what I would do if I was. Thank God that's over with. Professor K and I have sworn that this is, as he put it, a "fresh start". Having your period is weird. Every single woman on the planet gets it, half the population if you don't factor in the freaks and hermaphrodites. And all it entails is a very natural, very healthy flushing of the system. But for some reason it is the strangest subject to discuss. I never know if I can tell people what's wrong with me - how honest can you be? Some people are all up in the details, and some are totally skeeved by the slightest reference. Even women! When I was in high school I was one of 77 girls in my class and we were damn graphic when it came to period details. Not at 14, but by 16 and 17 we were chucking tampons at each other across the common room and discussing cramps, heavy and light flow, and various other details. I figured all women were this comfortable with discussing their period. But then I went to college and met these women who were very southern and very HORRIFIED by any reference at all to it. My ex falls into this category - she was and is just totally unwilling to have a conversation that goes into any detail - not the gross ones, just like the fact that you are having it at that moment! It's ironic that she won't want to have a conversation about it but she was more than willing to go down on me during it. Strange... Anyway, I seriously don't understand that. I've had my period since I was 11, and after almost 13 years I feel like I should be allowed to talk about it! If I feel like shit and it's menstrual pain, that's not the same as "sick" or a headache or a stomach ache. It's a whole ball of horrible symptoms that can only be effectively described by their cause. Guys that are skeeved by tampon commercials are dumb - but at the same time, why do they advertise tampons? And why are the commercials so LAME? Women with bare feet in stretch pants dancing around like earth children or hip urban professionals. Why can't they just be like "here's the box, you know you need them, we make a nice one". And why are they so EXPENSIVE? It's just a hunk of cotton for christs sake. Ugh, so yeah this might be a disturbing entry but i don't care. Cramps SUCK. There isn't enough advil in the world to make them go away. The only effective remedy that I have found is Vicodin (Percodan, Endocet, whatever), a glass of whiskey, and a fat fat bowl. Since I'm riding the cotton pony as of late last night, sex was sort of out of the question. Mainly because a few hours before you get your period is pretty much just as bad as once you've gotten it. Painful, weird, feeling ugly, the whole 9 yards. Professor K was over and it was South Park/Chapelle show night, our favorite TV night. *Side note: last night's South Park was fucking HILARIOUS!! The Michael Jackson voice, the imitation of his singing - particularly the fluorishes that he puts in, oh my god I almost peed myself.* Anyway, Professor K was all sleepy and so we were on my bed and he fell asleep and I watched TV until 10 when I woke him up for South Park. We watched that, and by Chapelle he was wide...umm...awake. So he starts getting all touchy feely and I got really into it too, but two problems arose: 1) we're out of condoms, and 2) I was feeling all gross from about the waist down. So I figured I'd just take care of him and that would be okay. I actually really enjoy giving oral most of the time. It's fun and so sexy to listen to what a guy babbles during, and there's all that fun stuff to touch and...you know, it's just entertaining. Anyway, last night it took him like two or three minutes to come. I was just starting to really get into it when he was like "oh shit I'm gonna come" and yup, he did. And then he just layed there like I'd killed him or something. After a few...i dunno, minutes? He picked up his head and said "that was the best head I've ever had in my life". YEEEEHAAAWWW! That's not the first time I've gone down on him by a long shot, but I'm not the sort of person that pulls out all the stops the first time. I like to build up to it as I feel more and more comfortable with the person. I don't know why, I guess that's just how I operate. I was waiting for the day when he said something like that - don't mean to brag but I've gotten similar compliments before - so it was very gratifying to hear. I love telling sex stories. Is that wrong? Should I be all protective of the details as they are sacred and meaningful? 10:30 a.m. Lots of time needs to pass between now and 5pm...hopefully I can keep myself occupied. The boss isn't coming in today, and I'm not feeling very work-oriented (shut up) so I guess I'll read more diaries and take more advil. 10:03 a.m. - 2004-04-22 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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